Pop CultureBy Tim Ryan on

Sports and fashion are two worlds that currently embrace one another with the unwavering passion of The Phoenix Gorilla and his custom motorcycle. They go hand in hand. It works for the player, it works for the brands, and it even works for the fans.

What true naturals like Clyde Frazier once thought was simply “lookin’ smooth” has turned into a giant publicity spectacle, which often leads to various endorsements from brands looking to move that all-important needle. And that’s when things inevitably snowball into an attention-forced abysss, like Danny Kanell impersonating a tragically unconvincing version of a Bond villain or Joakim Noah channeling a band member who’s just been arrested for the third time in a week.

Joakim Noah unhappy musician

But then there’s all of those reliable fans, who — while always clamoring for the camera — never bow to the whims of what’s wanted or expected from highbrow fashionistas. What they do bring is a unique, expressive element of their own choosing, and one that usually coincides with just how bad or good their team is performing.

And that — coupled with athletes, media personalities, and even spirited mascots — is what this very space is here to embrace. This is week is very NFL heavy, for obvious reasons. It was Wildcard Weekend! Oh, and Roger Goodell helped rip some hearts out again.

*****

Russell Westbrook

Something tells me Russell Westbrook will be a fixture in any kind of sports fashion conversation until the end of time. You know what his key is? Range. The dude has a ton of range. Also a key? Not taking one single second to ever consider what one other person might think of his outfit choices. He looks like he’s about to host an invite-only Jazzercise class in Brooklyn. But nope. It was just another Friday night for Russ.

Helpful Hint: Next time you wear something like this, do springy jumping jacks as you make you way into the arena.

*****

Jimmy Butler’s Feet

Jimmy Butler’s kicks with an outstanding shoutout to Marquette, his alma mater. That Golden Eagle is so wonderfully pissed off. Would love to know who he’s staring down. Probably a mascot.

Helpful Hint: Overnight me a pair, please. Size 11.

*****

Clyde Frazier

Clyde Frazier with a jacket, shirt, and tie that should definitely make this their last get-together.

Helpful Hint: I take it all back. How can anyone say anything even remotely critical of Clyde? Look how happy this dude is. It’s infectious.

*****

Bob Costas

Bob Costas of all people didn’t wear a hat when the temperature in Minny was well below zero. What a brave badass who … oh, wait. NOW we remember why.

Bob Costas old timey newsboy

Helpful Hint: Yeah, keep not wearing hats. Thanks in advance.

*****

Don Cherry

I’m not even sure if Don Cherry is a real person at this point. How did this guy not play a key role in Elf? That blinding white collar all but screams “mythical North Pole figure.”

Helpful Hint: Quit broadcasting altogether and start appearing in cartoons regularly.

*****

Hue Jackson

Sadly, this spiffy suit being worn by Cleveland Browns new head coach Hue Jackson is the greatest thing to happen to this franchise in over 20 years.

Helpful Hint: Is it too late to change your mind? Even Browns fans already feel for this dude.

*****

Floyd Mayweather

Fun Fact: That wheel of a watch costs more than all the money you’ve spent in your entire life. Twice.

Helpful Hint: Please fight Creed in Creed 2. And lose badly. It’s really our only option at this point to enjoy a Floyd Mayweather loss.

*****

This Ram Wearing A Rams Jersey

These poor rams dressed in Rams jerseys had nothing to do with this soulless move to L.A. and I’m quite sure they’re completely content wearing their own natural coats that God gave them.

Helpful Hint: Please leave all living, breathing rams alone.

*****

Tom Coughlin

It should come as absolutely no surprise that Tom Coughlin opts for thr Presidential look and pulls it off quite well. It’s also a safe bet that the former Giants coach thinks Russell Westbrook is a complete oddball with no respect for standard business attire.

Helpful Hint: Take the Niners job and fine Kaepernick every time he wears sunglasses and driving gloves indoors.

*****

Chris Berman

Chris Berman’s addiction to Krusty the Clown’s special line of outlandish ties has frankly gotten out of control.

Helpful Hint: When it comes to Chris Berman, we’ve reached the point where helpful hints are rather pointless.

*****

Ian Rapoport

Ian Rappaprot long tie

Strange But True: Ian Rappaport’s tie is actually affixed to his right shoe. It’s basically the opposite approach of Merril Hoge and his signature “I stole my tie from a doll” look. Ballsy statements, to say the least.

merrill-hoge-short-tie issues

Helpful Hint: The never-ending tie is still better than this. Hell, anything is better than this.

*****

Jon Ryan

Having a sense of humor about things that really suck is a great way of shifting the conversation in how much something sucks. Good on you, Jon Ryan.

Helpful Hint: Purchase sunglasses. Big ones.

*****

Antonio Brown

Antonio Brown and Russell Westbrook need to open a boutique clothing store in a secret spot that only those who have earned the right to walk through the door know of its location. Don Cherry and Clyde Frazier could serve as Chief Fashion Advisers.

Helpful Hint: Don’t change a damn thing, especially your Twitter avatar:

Antonio Brown twitter avatar

*****

Deion Sanders

It’s hard to mock Deion after reading the above quote about Ted Ginn. Beautiful.

Helpful Hint: Keep saying things like this. Candor in this business is crucial.

*****

Richard Sherman

Richard Sherman + bow ties = fate.

Helpful Hint: I’m telling you, this dude is constantly telling himself jokes internally. It’s so difficult to hate.

*****

This Seahawks Fan

Understood. Mike Zimmer, who I have great concern for, has not felt his face for WEEKS.

Helpful Hint: Lend Mike Zimmer this exact outfit.

*****

Mike Zimmer

Had Mike Zimmer and the Vikings advanced, we would have witnessed his skin crack and peel off his face. I don’t care what city the game would’ve been played in.

Helpful Hint: Stay indoors until Week 1 of next season.

*****

This Texans Fan

Show up to a sporting dressed like this and you can fully expect your team to get waxed, 30-0.

Helpful Hint: Allow Bill O’Brien to borrow that clown nose and wig. It would suit him quite well at the moment.

*****

Tyrod Taylor

Helpful Hint: Offering any kind of advice to Tyrod Taylor’s choice of attire would be like advising Steph Curry on his jumper.

*****

Steve Wyche

Eat your heart out, Bob Costas. Because this hat is tremendous. What a lost opportunity.

Helpful Hint: Get the hell out of Minnesota.

*****

Roger Goodell

What a smug horse’s ass.

Helpful Hint: You make MILLIONS a year for a league you run that rakes in BILLIONS. Yet your tie knot is crooked and your neck appears as though it might explode. You and your tailor gotta get it together, man.

*****

Another Ram In A Rams Jersey!

Another ram in a Rams jersey. For the love of all that is holy, please leave actual rams alone. Check out the leg holding the affable animal in place. He clearly wants OUT. Immediately.

Helpful Hint: FREE THE RAMS!

*****

Stan Kroenke

This is all your fault, Stan. Now shave that awful mustache and use the trimmings as a condiment on your next cheeseburger.

Helpful Hint: Probably best to stay out of St. Louis for awhile. Just trying to help.

*****

Chris Berman, Yet Again!

https://twitter.com/Ryan_K702/status/687002032222240768

As you’ll notice from the time stamp, this is a recent tweet. But given the MLB All-Star game logo in the background, it’s not a recent photo. However, saying that Chris Berman “looks like a wax statue of Benjamin Franklin left in the car in the middle of summer” was far too fun to pass up.

Previous installments of this weekly feature from freelance writer Tim Ryan can be found right here.

About Tim Ryan

Freelance Writer, Editor, Humorist, and Fashion Critic. Currently in heated negotiations over the rights to Jack Sikma's striking perm and an authentic mold of Chris Sabo's goggles.

View all posts by Tim Ryan